Sex before marriage, the spoiler before the movie, is it worth it? [Part 1]

I’ll start by saying that I know that from a biblical perspective it is wrong and not worth it. Whether we might agree or disagree depends on the extent to which we will misinterpret the Bible to benefit our own desires.

I however wish to look at this from another angle, I don’t quite know which yet. I always say that if my life was in a slightly better state than it is right now, I would choose to marry now (age 22). That might be for noble reasons, but sadly it might also be just so that I may start fulfilling my sexual desires sooner. Sadly, I have to wait … Maybe another 6 years.

It sort of feels like when there’s a new movie coming out, and all the spoilers are on the Internet, you want to enjoy watching the movie but yet are tempted to catch a glimpse of what’s to come. Let’s face it, though ‘no temptation has seized you except what is common to man‘; sexual temptation often feels like a nagging salesman who won’t leave you alone unless [until] you submit and buy something.

Sex itself

I would be no expert here, but from a biblical perspective I understand that in creation God blessed Adam and Eve, and said “Be fruitful and increase in number, … “. So I see nothing wrong with sex as our parents sometimes make it out to be (well my mother does).
What sex is portrayed as these days in the media is a pleasurable token of any relationship, as long as you’re both above 16 years you can do as you wish it seems. Many years ago it used to be 21, then it decreased to 18 years along with alcohol and tobacco. One can only predict by regression that it will be 14 years in maybe a decade or 2.

In this topic I feel there is an ongoing battle between ‘concerned’ parents and the media. Our parents still try to convince us that sex is a post-marital affair, and mostly because of the following:

  • In our country for example (and pretty much the whole planet), most broken families tend to be ones which were never established on marriage. This makes marriage a ‘remedy’ or preventative measure.
  • Marriage is the best way of being faithful, and the AIDS ABC (Abstain, Be Faithful, Condomise) explains why I say this. If you choose to be faithful to your partner, at least you avoid all the infections out there.

However the media is winning in most cases. I remember when I was ‘bored’ and decided to watch Californication, I went through the first two episodes, and at the beginning of the third one I stopped lying to myself, I had the notion that I could turn away or ‘skip’ the sex scenes. I realised that the whole thing is about sex, then I deleted it.
There are so many instances, in the Beyoncé 4 album cover art the entertainer seems to be screaming

I’m a married woman, but I’ll show you a piece of my flesh if you buy my album”.


I have not extensive knowledge on the history of marriage, but from what I have read about the subject, it expresses a covenant (in any religion) between man, woman and God (or any diety [in other religions]).
The issue seems to be what constitutes marriage. The Bible never plainly stated it (AFAIC), hence the general norm is that there be a priest mediating between the couple and our Creator. In South Africa there is the cultural marriage, and the Western adoption; though these are more about the celebration thereof of weddings. Both involve welcoming families of the bride and groom, both have formalities, but as the Western adoption is one which is predominant and consistent I will focus on the latter.

The aspects of the Western adoption are thus:

  • There is normally engagement, followed by marriage.
  • This engagement does not entitle one to marital rights as it is merely a commitment and agreement to marriage.
  • The marriage is formal, and publicly celebrated/acknowledged.
  • It is a covenant between man, woman and God that man and woman will live together and form their family.
  • The priest represents the mediator of this covenant. (I don’t need to be correct on this one, I know that our Lord Jesus is the real mediator)
  • After the wedding, the couple are bound to an exclusive relationship together.

There are many benefits that come from marriage, one being intercourse is the one I’m interested in.

[In the next part I’ll continue on Sex and Marriage]